1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
