so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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