I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
