i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
