Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
