3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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