I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So here I am, sexting at work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
