I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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