When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
