Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
