No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
