Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
