Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize