Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
