i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just had sex bonerless
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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