there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
