I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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