it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Â and "Why tacos?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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