My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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