I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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