with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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