thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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