Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
