Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
