I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
