Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
