they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
