I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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