my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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