i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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