Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
