It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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