yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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