I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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