Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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