I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
God, I missed his penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
