My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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