Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
