i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will be naked everywhere
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
