i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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