Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
