I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
