This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
