batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
