I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
