Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
