Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
