I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
