Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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