Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize