I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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