i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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