Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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