Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
