I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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