The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm passing your future prison.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
