dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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