He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
