Cold hands, warm shart.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
