Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
