I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
