you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize