Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
