apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
