it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
